Sometimes I become a transcendent eyeball (Emerson) and walk around, free of me... guided by the aesthetic and free from thought. Sometimes I am my own music video (with headphones). Sometimes I love being alone even though I am so afraid of being lonely. Sometimes I am sad for long periods.
Last week Natalia slept on my floor (twice). For what seemed like hours, I would lay awake, listening to her breathe, and feel so connected, so comfortable, so happy. I have rarely felt as warm. She's a beautiful girl. I wish I could fall for her. I'll settle for her friendship, for which I feel fortunate and blessed. I do feel fortunate and blessed.