Kazatasupa (kazatasupa) wrote,
Kazatasupa
kazatasupa

Haunted

I've remembered why I first doubted the existence of God. It was the fat kid, feeling lonely, having always struggled to feel loved, wanting to feel God's love, wanting to be saved.

It was the realization that God could never make me feel love that planted the first seeds of doubt...

If anything, my God should be love.

I use to cry myself to sleep because I could not feel loved.

I've been walking the streets of Provo this evening, with my headphones on, thinking about my life... and each lit window, down every street, I see a person kneeling to God, praying... feeling loved.

I love... and remembering how I used to be brings a bit of sadness... but I love, and I love me, and tonight I'll sleep well... yet, still haunted by a God who should be love.
Tags: lonliness, love, religion
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