So, I wonder: does Kim expect me to write a cynical, critical, and basically unapproachable evaluation designed to point out that the library's infrastructure is about to burst at the seams? Is she trying to pacify my words with the allure of a "possible" bonus? I also wonder if my evaluation becomes part of her evaluation. Do the administrators of the school grade her ability to keep the proletariat happy and content, despite the fact that we are under-fed and under-appreciated?
Do I sell my soul for a possible bonus - and for how much? The amount of the bonus is always a mystery... last year, nearly $700 and the year before I think a little less than $400.
Should I allow the hatred I harbor for the labor I do to bleed into my evaluation?
Since my position was created the student population at UVSC has increased per/semester (starting this semester going back to spring of '99) 14%, 12%, 12%, 6%, 9%, and 13%. The library has not created any new front-line positions. We are stuck at 3 full time positions while the rest of the school has been allowed to grow to keep up with the demand. In the three years I have worked here, full time faculty has increased from a number of 238 to roughly 340... still, no increase in library staff.
I've looked at other academic library assistant jobs, through-out the west and have found that the beginning salary is usually around $3000 more than what I make (at the top level for UVSC). Top level salaries are anywhere from $5000 to $17,000 more than I make here. Which brings to light the level of my stupidity... apply for other jobs, dumb-ass!
I work very hard to be of good service to the faculty and students... and I hate myself for it. I am bored, underpaid and get sworn at more often (than praised) because I, myself, cannot keep up with the demand that the school has placed on me. I work overtime for free and I bitch a lot. There are professors on this campus who deserve a fantastic kick to the chatch... and I, the pacifist, would love to deliver.
I deserve a higher salary and the library needs more committed employees (with higher wages, as well).
I love the people I work with, but l. and j. are both leaving in June (July) and December (respectively). I will not stay here alone. I can not even begin to fathom working with new people, who don't know what they are doing, all the while, carrying the burden of my job... I'll crack, for sure! Besides, when l. leaves, my heart will be broken and I will have to seek solitude in the wilderness - let the untamed winds carry my sorrows to the ends of the earth.