i don't know. sometimes, i hate myself... like tonight. i don't know why i have to be the way that i am. why can i not express myself verbally? i don't know why i can not be securely locked into someone. i act like things don't matter, like i can handle it all... i can't, not always... not tonight. i want to lie in bed, just holding her in my arms, with whispers and promises of forever. why do i make it so fucking hard?