I've made public my entries through January 2002. It's interesting reading my thoughts in the blissful calm before the storm. LaRyn was the first woman I allowed myself to feel loved by and, though our "relationship" was short in terms of time, I struggled for years to reclaim myself from losing the trust I had in that love. I have a completely different perspective on that relationship than I did at that time. I have only fond memories of our time together and I hope she is blissfully happy in her life now (I'm sure she is).
The women I wrote about back then; Nicole, Natalia, and Marie are all still dear friends of mine and one (Marie) is now my wife. I feel fortunate to have been able to foster relationships with these amazing people and that they still care enough to call me a friend (or husband) is such a great blessing for my old soul. I am in shock that Marie and I have been together now for 7 years and in April will have been married for 6 years. Time goes by too quickly.
I miss my brother. This will be the 5th Christmas since lokasennapassed away. I used to feel such a romance for the holiday, but that feeling died with Thorn. I miss exchanging philosophy books with him. I miss trying to get him drunk on Christmas Eve, or during Christmas dinner. I miss our evening discussions and disagreements. I miss everything about him. Having had a child has returned some "spirit" of the holiday to me. I only wish Thorn could be here to love on his nephew.
It's snowing outside. I wish I had the time to go for a walk and take in the wonder of the universe. I have a Lion's Club board meeting tonight to go along with my regular domestic and fatherly duties. The walk will have to wait for another day.