the physical went okay. he touched my testicles, made me cough, and proclaimed everything to be well.
the blood test results will be in monday, or tuesday. i was worried about diabetes, but the doctor seemed confident enough to tell me that the tests wouldn't show that to be the case. however, they're testing for other things as i am always fatigued, unable to focus and having extreme difficulty in dealing with anxiety and stress. i've also had spells of lightheadedness, nausea, upset stomach, depression, and instances when my heart will start a thunderous roll through my chest.
i need to get into better shape. he even told me that i could lose some weight. "yea," i said "i know." half the reason i haven't been working out (the other half is that i've been lazy) is the fear for my health. i don't want to take any risks with strenuous exercise while i don't know whether or not something is wrong with my body.
he prescribed fluoxetine to help me with stress. he told me that the little pills would help refresh my neurotransmitters and within a month i should be able to deal with stress and anxiety. i picked up the pills at the pharmacist, drove to the school, took a pill and went to work. after a while i noticed that i was getting fidgety, so i got up from my desk and started talking to the people i work with. i felt awkwardly giddy - and even happy, if only in the most odd sort of way. i thought it possible that mood swings might be a side effect common in the usage of the medication i had just swallowed, so i looked "fluoxetine" up on the internet only to find that i had been given a generic form of prozac.
what the fuck?
i've heard that prozac was easy to get, but a fucking doctor tricking me into taking it? that's the oddest thing i've ever heard of. now... in light of my awareness of finding it odd, i've also thought (in the past) that maybe i needed medication, or simple therapeutic space in which i could work out the problems that were ailing me. i do get depressed. i can get into a mental space that really challenges my will to exist. and, quite frankly, i've been feeling like shit for quite sometime. so, if it helps, it helps... if not, then fine.
one thing i've noticed already is that when i get tired, i am completely wiped out. i have a terrible time maintaining anything resembling focus. and, last night being the first, i slept for a solid 10 and 1/2 hours. i've also noticed that i am more social, get bored more easily, and my mind cycles through thoughts fewer times than normal.
i'm tired. wiped out.