"I was born with a bald head but a seven-inch bunch of facial hair protruded from my chin. I was the most feared infant in the hospital. No one fucked with me."
"As a child, I was deeply traumatized when a dentist told me I must brush my teeth in circular motions instead of up-or-down; as a result I spent much of my youth fearing that I would be gumming, rather than kissing, the woman to whom I'd be losing my virginity."
"When I was 28 years old, I met a new friend. She had just moved to town, so I made it my duty to show her Provo's finest points. On Friday we went to the bar. Saturday, the bar. Sunday, the bar.
Months went by, then a year. Before this, I had never suspected. She came to my house one night in a short brown skirt. She sat down on my sofa and slightly parted her legs. There, laying in front of me was a simple piece of flesh that would change my life forever. I did not hold back. "You have a ball sack", I cried. She smiled at me and winked her pretty little eye. I tried to spread the word, but no one believed me, they thought it was a joke, but it's not. Dear God, it's not. The strangest part is I liked it."
Please feel free to submit (anyone). Just let me know where your piece fits in my history, and I will add it. Be creative! Thanks