Kazatasupa (kazatasupa) wrote,
Kazatasupa
kazatasupa

Ramblings

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be me, only from the outside looking in. Would I enjoy myself as much as I do now, from the inside, or would I find myself suffering in a desperate world - losing hope in the whole process? Imagine knowing someone as well as you know yourself. Imagine knowing yourself as well as you think you know yourself. What if you could see yourself through someone else's eyes, only those eyes become yours...
Sometimes I become a transcendent eyeball (Emerson) and walk around, free of me... guided by the aesthetic and free from thought. Sometimes I am my own music video (with headphones). Sometimes I love being alone even though I am so afraid of being lonely. Sometimes I am sad for long periods.
Last week Natalia slept on my floor (twice). For what seemed like hours, I would lay awake, listening to her breathe, and feel so connected, so comfortable, so happy. I have rarely felt as warm. She's a beautiful girl. I wish I could fall for her. I'll settle for her friendship, for which I feel fortunate and blessed. I do feel fortunate and blessed.
Tags: lonliness, love, natalia
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