I did something funny... 24 credit hours short of graduating with a B.A., I started taking freshmen level classes. I've removed myself from the philosophy department (which I still hold dear) and have moved towards expressing myself through art, not words.
I'm guitarded and I am super self-conscious when it comes to the critique of my photo/darkroom work. My instructor asked me to comment on my piece before the class discussed it. I said, "well, I'd just like everyone to know that I'm a fraud..."
That's how I feel. I like my work more than that of any other student in the class, but I feel like it's coming too easy... I guess I need to push myself, but then I fear that the joy I've felt in the darkroom will be replaced by general nervousness and utter contempt for anything that has to do with photography.
"Why do you think you're a fraud," she asked as the other students laughed at my statement. "Because," I said, "I didn't think my way through the piece well enough." I can do better. I can do better....
I can always do better.
I don't want to lose this feeling of mystery. Of being in love with the process... The process is all I have left. It means everything...
The process of living.